Grace

Sometimes I really wish I could care less.

Sometimes it feels like I'm doing most of the work at home (when I say home I mean where I am currently staying, in a house with six other friends) that I get so tired of them. I feel like I have to solve all the problems they face at home, such as internet connection issues, cleanliness issues, roster issues, insect issues and whatnot that I hardly have any time left for myself.

Whenever there is any problem at home, they consult me (more like they inform me) and that's the end of it. I'm not sure how I should interpret that act, but does it mean that they expect me to come up with a solution to every problem? Perhaps they do that out of respect, that I'm best at problem solving, or have the most experience in handling stuff like this, I have no idea. But still.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this to complain, or to say that I'm superior 'cause I know I'm far from that. Nobody is perfect. But it's really tough not to feel unfair. I pay the same rental as everyone else (technically untrue 'cause I'm actually paying more than the rest since I'm taking the ensuite master bedroom), yet I have to carry the burden on my shoulders, mostly by myself. 

But I guess that isn't the spirit God wants me to have. What if He felt the same way about us, that we were all a burden to Him? What if He really did care less of the beings he created? What if Jesus felt that it was too unfair for Him to be sacrifised on the cross that He decided to go against what God has planned for Him? History has to be rewritten, salvation no longer exist.

Don't we all not deserve the love that was lavished on us? That is what GRACE is, isn't it? "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV) "And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace." (Romans 11:6 NIV)

Then again, when you're doing the work, and nobody sees it or appreciates it, it is also tough to not be discouraged or having the thoughts of just giving up. But seeking glory is sinful in one's heart, one desires human praise more than God's praise. Do we do virtuous deeds in order to be seen and esteemed by man or is it out of love from God? "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16 NIV)

There is just so much more to learn, and this is just the beginning of it.

Teach me, mould me, O Lord.

Just a (not so) random song that popped up in my head while typing this post.