So close yet so far

Have you ever encountered an incident in which you were so close to something you wanted badly but yet so far at the same time?

The feeling you get - the disappointment, the fury, the sadness, all in one blow, is just indescribable. 

All this week I only had one thing set in my mind - Jesus Culture concert. Okay to be extremely frank, maybe two, that, and Suits Season 3 finale. 

But before that, my housemates and I had to do our weekly grocery shopping first. It took us forever to leave home, as usual, and after everything is done, I didn't even have time to come home with them. 

All alone, I took the bus, came home and met with two other friends before heading down to Southbank. Still, I was 45 minutes behind my scheduled plan. 

The queue when we got there was insane! I thought Malaysians were crazy, but I never thought that people here were as crazy as we are back home. Somehow I just had the feeling that we won't be able to get in.

We waited for nearly an hour outside but the line just got cut like about 20 people ahead of me. That heartbreak I've never felt before. I couldn't take it any longer, I broke down right in front of the entrance.  

I thought there was still hope. I waited, and waited, and waited. But no, the security guard wasn't going to give in. 20 minutes gone, I heard 'One Thing Remains' being sung in the auditorium. 

Hope is a good thing sometimes, but when you don't get what you hoped for, that disappointment is worse. 

So here I am, on a Sunday night, heading to city, for dinner and movie, when I can be in the auditorium encountering God. When I got home, the first thing my brother asked me do was to check my motives for going to that concert. Am I there to seek God, or am I there just to enjoy the music and the band? 

Maybe that was the lesson of the day. To check my motives. My heart wasn't right, it wasn't aligned with what God wanted.

Let this be a painful lesson. 

This is a picture I 'stole' from a friend I hope she doesn't mind. Praying hard that there will be a next time, and by then, my heart will be set right.

So pull me a little closer, take me a little deeper, I wanna know Your heart.