When about to board, the officer told me that I was randomly chosen to be upgraded to the business class. I was like uhh whattt? I've never imagined myself being where I am, never dreamt of being where I am either. I don't believe in coincidence. Maybe I was just about to solve the mystery of why people choose business class over economy class.
Once I got in, I immediately felt that I can never belong here. I mean, seriously, what's the huge leg space for? And of course there are seats that can be converted into bed-like stuff, complicated controls around the seat and so on. I was so tempted to take the blanket and pillow away with me, that's all. There are people who just sleep once they get on board, some who skip all their meals on board, some who play with devices and some who waste food. Then, I thought, why even bother to pay so much extra to get into business class? Probably 'cause of the better service? I don't know. Looks like my mystery remains a mystery.
The emotions only started to engulf me when the plane took off. This isn't like any other trip I've taken in the past. It is neither a vacation nor an exchange anymore. Decision has been made that I will be there to do my degree. Four years! Sometimes I really wonder why I chose Chemical Engineering. Doesn't seem like something that I'd do. To be honest, I am pretty clueless what it is all about, but I guess now it's already beyond the point of looking back.
I think the hardest part for me is to leave those whom I hold dear in my heart. My sis for sure. I used to think of my family very little, but I guess America really changed me a lot. Now it's really hard for me to part with them, although I've already done it too many times that you'd think that I have already gotten used to it. Despite always complaining bout their shortcomings, they are the ones whom you can go to when everyone else fails. And friends. Being in a whole new environment gives you the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. But those friends that I have back home, and in all part of the world for whatever reasons, are irreplaceable.
So many days of tears, of reluctance, of fear, have come to an end, at least for now. Looking back, I still am not sure if I'd regret. But I believe that God is faithful no matter where I go, and I can fully trust in Him. Just look at what heights I have reached today with His grace and mercy. Every step along the way, He has taken care of me. Those are in no way what man can achieve.
I know that this four-year journey is not going to be easy. There are so many things to learn, from as easy as buying groceries, to as complicated as learning to do things according to God's will. But with God all things are possible 'cause He is our strength and fortress.
I won't deny that half of my heart is still with UK, wishing I can go travel all around Europe. But let these four years be one of my favors in honoring God, in learning to seek Him, trust Him, grow in Him. As hard as it may sound, maybe it really is time to let go and let God. It really doesn't matter how well I do in my academics anymore, I'd just pray that I will just grow closer to God each day.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all the things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)
This is not a vacation or an exchange, nor it's merely a pursuit in academics. This is a journey of faith. I want myself to stand strong. I want myself to look back after four years and say that, no, I have not regretted coming to where I am now 'cause I have placed my trust in God and believed that He will guide me on, so long as I allow Him to. I want myself to realize how strong God can make me, how much He can make me grow, and how He can use me to do His works. I want myself to be a living testimony of God's unconditional love and unending grace.
Signing off now. Till then!
