Summer 2015

This wasn't exactly the summer holiday I was expecting. Before heading home, I had so much fear in me, most of which really did happen during my three months being back home. I feared having to face the mess at home. I feared being distant from God. I feared the thought of having to say goodbye after getting myself comfortable.

The first quarter of the summer break was nothing less than amazing. The mission trip that changed my life took place. I was revealed so much of God's power and presence, I saw what it meant by laying your life down and carrying the cross, I learned about forgiveness. All in all, I truly experienced God's love and faithfulness. Followed by that was a youth camp held by my church in which I was asked to help facilitate. Initially the camp was rather slow-paced but during the last session when I saw so many souls break down knowing the fact that they have been deceived by the evil one, I couldn't contain my emotions. It was indeed a wake up call for me.

Sadly, that fire died down way too quickly than I expected. Once home, I was overwhelmed with a hectic schedule once again. I spent most of the time catching up all those TV series episodes that I missed. A family trip was also planned. The ongoing war at home just made things worse. I know I shouldn't put the blame on the circumstances at home for me slacking in all aspects of my spiritual walk, but somehow it did. Fear #1 and #2 occurred simultaneously.

I signed up for three Bible plans, and am behind schedule for all of them. I saw my sister doing her daily devotion and guilt ate me, but that feeling didn't last for too either. I stopped my own daily prayers and devotion and Bible reading. What made things worse was I took up the role of mentoring two other pals from church. I felt as if I was preparing sessions/materials as if I'm preparing for a lecture instead of to help us all grow closer to God. I felt as if I'm in this race alone. I felt that my gauge was already in the below zero region. I couldn't hear God. That is probably the worse feeling ever, after having been so close to Him for a long period. 

But I did not listen to the voice in me calling me to turn back.

I carried on with my agendas. I took up an internship position in a semiconductor company. I indulged myself in more TV series and movies. I played the piano. I attended youth fellowships but they all felt like social gatherings to me. I met up with several old friends. I swam. I tried to keep myself occupied with activities after activities but all those could only fill my time but not the emptiness in my heart. I was once told, there is a God-sized hole in everybody's heart that can only be filled by Him and Him alone. People who have yet to know Him will always be searching. I guess I learned it the hard way.

On the other hand, as far as I would like to run away from reality, I will never be able to outrun His grace and mercy. On so many occasions, His interventions were so visible that they felt like smacks in my head calling me to turn back. A very good example would be getting the tutoring position that I applied for. I was convinced that there are many other better candidates who deserve that spot but I got it. Definitely it was not because of luck.

This wasn't exactly the summer holiday I was expecting. But I learned two very important lessons: there is an emptiness in everyone that only God can satisfy and never try to outrun God's arms because you will fail, no doubt. There is no such thing as 'I can only draw close to God when I am away from home' because he is omnipresent. Temptations will arise, but we will need the determination to overcome. After all, we are more than conquerors. 

"And I find myself here on my knees again, caught up in grace like an avalanche."

Off to Chiangmai! (V)

LOVE THAT GOES BEYOND ALL LANGUAGES

Language barrier was one of our biggest challenge, no doubt. However, I also learned that love is one thing that transcends all languages. Love itself is a language on its own.

While we were at the Hope Chiang Mai cell group, I was deeply moved and encouraged just to see people worshipping God in their own languages. We were singing and praying in Mandarin, English and Thai, we couldn't understand what others were saying, but we felt the presence of God so tangible in that place. Right then, I finally understood what they meant when they say "Every knee will bow and every tongue will acknowledge God". When we love the one Lord God our Father in one spirit, language barrier no longer remains as a challenge.

While spending time with the kids at the home and in school, I truly experienced how love speaks louder in actions than in words. We had almost no means to communicate with the kids and vice versa, since they can barely speak English and  we can barely speak Thai. However, they just showered us and one another with so much love despite not having parents to first love them. Although we were there for just two evenings, I felt like I could already call that my home because of the hospitality the kids showed. 

TO RECEIVE AND NOT ALWAYS GIVE

Always we tend to try to be strong, refusing to receive help from others. But through this trip, I was taught to be on the receiving end. I was reminded of a conversation I had with another friend a while ago, in which she told me she had to learn to give others chance to bless her as well, instead of her always being a blessing to others. 

THE END 

Off to Chiangmai! (IV)

TO BE BOLD IN REACHING OUT WITH WHAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH

I've always looked at myself very lowly. Right before the trip, I told my leader that I felt like I have nothing to contribute to the team. I do not have much knowledge of any kind of musical instruments, nor am I skillful in art and craft or drama. I am not good around kids, nor could I communicate well with people or express myself properly with words. But God has this special way of saying “Child, you're special in my eyes and you don't have to compare your talents with anybody else's.”

As we stepped into the kids' home, I noticed a guy who did not mingle with all the other kids. Later on i realised that he was mute and deaf. Never would I have thought that the little sign language that I knew could help him in feeling not left out. Lek and I even managed to bless him before we left. I also discovered this connection I have with kids that I never really felt before. The kids made me realise that it really isn't about my abilities and what I can offer to make myself feel useful. Instead, it really is about how willing I am to be used by God to show them His love. They don't want much, and all that they really crave for is to be loved.

I was forced into taking up the role of the main character in a skit that we were going to perform to a few groups of people. To be really frank, that was definitely something wayyyy beyond my comfort zone. I believe God can always use someone else from the team who can do a better job than me, but the only reason why I decided to give it a go in the end was 'cause of this small voice within me questioning me, "Didn't you say you want to step out in courage and reach out to others?”  As I see some of the kids tearing after the skit, I choose to believe that the skit made an impact in their lives. And more importantly, I choose to believe that it really was God speaking to them through the skit. Really, it was not how well the team can act but how mightily God can move hearts with the little that we are willing to offer.

To be continued.

Off to Chiangmai! (III)

TO GROW IN FAITH

I was also shown God's faithfulness even during adversities. Even when times we feel like God is non-existent, He'll still show up. There was this once during street evangelism when we were so discouraged by all the rejections that we were about to give up, God answered our prayers by sending us someone who, in turn, encouraged us so much. We actually bumped into her earlier in the day, but she was heading for breakfast and told us that she might listen to what we are going to share if we will still be around that area after her breakfast. After talking to so many people who just was not interested in what we've got to share, I was not having high hopes on this lady anymore, although I still made a quick prayer to God asking Him to let us meet this lady again. And we did! 

There was this other time when the power to an entire village blew up in front of us during a Christmas evangelistic event. It just had to happen when the local celebrity was sharing her testimony. Despite all this spiritual opposition closing up on us, our team chose to persevere in God's promise and to believe that He knows best, and that was the best plan at the moment. The short session of praise and worship and prayer really refreshed me so much. I was granted strength and reassurance that God will not forsake us and that He has already had the victory in His hands.

I have never heard of Pat complaining that he is tight on finances, nor that he is too tired to share the gospel. He told us that Mondays and Fridays are his free days, yet he doesn't use them to rest but still chooses to visit the orphanages and hospitals. Nonetheless, he also believes in finding rest and being recharged by spending time with God. He has inspired me to learn to trust in God’s provision because God is indeed our tower of refuge and our Provider. 

To be continued. 

Off to Chiangmai! (II)

TO LOVE AND TO FORGIVE

Love was one thing I struggled with for a long time. I tend to judge before loving - I look at people with my own lenses instead of God's, and I decide for myself whether they should be loved or not. I feel that some people need love, but I struggle so hard loving them knowing the things they have done to others. But God is love and is all about love. I've read so much about Biblical love, I know it so well in my head, and often I feel God's love in my life, too. However, I am so painfully human that I so easily get drowned in negative thoughts when circumstances creep into my life.

During this short trip to Thailand, I've seen what the radical love from up above can do to a person, in which even man could not contain it within oneself and had to share it with the world. I've experienced what it means to fully lay one’s life down and set aside all selfish ambitions to love God and love others. I've understood what it takes to obey God's calling to love others simply because He first loved us.

The people I have met throughout the trip were all so ready to love. The volunteers at The Ark Home spend most of their time just caring and loving the boys. I believe love brings a domino effect and it could be seen in the boys’ actions in just caring for one another. The team had to agree that the overflowing of God’s love really made a huge difference in the boys’ lives. Pat spends almost every day reaching out to all sorts of people, ranging from the sick to the poor to the needy. He so willingly give with what he has been blessed with.

Forgiving is often the first step. Acknowledging the wrongdoings of others yet choosing to look beyond them and still love the person as he is takes a lot of courage. But our God is a God who gives second chances because He loves us. He doesn't want to condemn us; instead He wants to restore our relationship with Him. He does not want us to live life like an orphan because we aren't meant to be one - we all have a Father and He is our Father.

I was also constantly reminded that mission is not just evangelising in a foreign country. Instead, it is an ongoing process in our daily lives. This reminded me a lot about my current situation at home. Pat's last words to me before we left were “Be the glue in your family, love them.” Yes, indeed it is easier said than done, but if God choose to look beyond all our transgressions and still says “I love you, child”, why can’t we do the same to others?

To be continued.

Off to Chiangmai! (I)

I didn't know what to expect from a mission trip. After signing up, I was told that most people will be pushed out of their comfort zones, doing things that challenge their  courage. The preparation period was not any easier since it took up more of my extremely limited time in my extremely busy semester. But now, looking back, I realised how important it was to be committed in preparing our hearts spiritually and mentally before we set off.

We spent a couple of days in my hometown doing some finalising work. We only learned our skit and song during those two days. I really thank God for having such supportive parents, always thinking of ways to help us make our stay there easier and more comfortable.

It was kind of surreal to me when it was finally time to leave home. This is my first mission trip in my life, and so all I wanted is to make it a memorable one in which God will teach me things that I have never before. I had three expectations of my own:

1. To learn to love and to forgive

2. To grow in faith of full reliance on God's provision and promises

3. To learn how to and gain the courage to reach out to others with what I am blessed with 

And a few others that were not in my initial expectations but resonate with other members of the team.

I've learned that God speaks to His people in many ways, and some of them will just give you jaw-drop moments. Through this trip, God has answered my prayers and showed me exactly what I needed to see at this stage in life. Now as I revisit the expectations that I had before I left home, I found out that every single one of them were achieved. How more amazing can God be?

To be continued. 

Pay It Forward

They call it pay it forward. We call it blessing others with the blessings that we have received.

I was first introduced to this concept by a friend of mine. His heart for the needy is so big I can't even. I've always admired him and secretly wished to be him in that aspect.

Then I came to Brisbane. I met this bunch of people who are now my life group mates. They opened my eyes to the extent of love that I've never experienced before. I have always been taught that when we learn to lean on God and draw closer to Him, our hearts will be more and more a reflection of His. It took me 20 years to finally understand it, simply based on the experiences I've gone through in this year. They say Christianity is different from all the other religions because it is not just a religion but a relationship. God wants us to be more and more like Him, to love others as ourselves.

It was a huge leap for me. Doing that means I'll have to put others' above myself. But then I see others doing it, and I started to think that if others can, why can't I? I decided to give it a shot. It really was not that hard after all. At times when I think I am running dry, I get reminded of the blessings that I have been receiving. I don't want it to just stop at myself, I want it to be passed on.

Happiness is really contagious. Just seeing others happy make me extremely happy. I guess that's what made me happy throughout this SWOTVAC. What I've gotta learn is really to give God the credit that He deserves, instead of stealing His glory, because He is the source of all blessings. I'm sure the Father up above must be extremely proud of His children who are learning to love and care for others .

I am still a newbie in this aspect, but I definitely hope that this culture will just expand in today's world. 

Ashamed

Should I be ashamed of myself?
YES.

I was just in uni doing the usual life group study group during swotvac (Study without teaching vacation, basically just study break lol). I've planned all along in my head that I wanted to cook for the people who come for study groups. I looked at my schedule, and I reconsidered my decision. The reason of all that happening was because I was so busy throughout the semester that I had to skip most of my lectures and I have quite a bit to catch up.

One of my pharmacy friend who has five papers this year-end said she would cook dinner for everyone who are there today. I went speechless. Why is my heart so selfish when others are so selfless? I only have two papers, yet I put my agendas so high up that I failed to look beyond.

Ashamed and guilty. 

No way I was going to let her do it herself while I stand there and watched. I decided to help, but that did not stop me from feeling bad about myself. I wish I could be less self-centered.

Busy

Busy.

For the entire semester, that's the only word that came out of me whenever someone asked me how I was. I'm pretty sure I must have said it so much that I managed to annoy some of my friends. But I only did that because I couldn't seem to find another word that can aptly describe my day/week/month/semester.

I live on a gram of caffeine each day.

I live on an hour of conversation on a regular weekday.

I live on six hours of sleep each day, not because I can afford it but simply because any less than six hours will just make me groggy the next day and decrease my productivity tremendously.

The rest of the day, excluding tutes, pracs and workshops, I am pretty much in my room. On my bed. Not sleeping.

Reading and writing. I recently discovered the usefulness of a TV in my research course - I can simply extend my computer screen with it. I have no idea why this thought has never crossed my mind until a friend pointed it out to me one day; my dad has always been doing that! And so, my bed is the closest platform to my TV. Therefore, it has since, by default, become my new workplace. I even put cardboards next to my bed as 'whiteboards'.

Taking two heavy courses in one semester is already a huge mistake, but it's one that I didn’t regret. I have learned that not all mistakes make you regret, some just push you to strive harder. I was forced to learn programming and electronics. I had to read up on extremely technical issues on energy, some which I don't even understand. I haven't been to a single chemistry lecture since week one, and have stopped attending math lectures too after week four because I have no time for that. I have learned the importance of having reflective journals in order to monitor progress and refine thoughts. I was pushed out of my comfort zone when I needed to present my research findings to my supervisor's supervisor (some CEO guy) and a cohort of intelligent students. None of these was easy.

But that was not all. I got myself involved in a mission trip and so we have a lot of planning, trainings, preparations and fundraising to do. And there was mentoring, Bible studies and endless (deep, constructive) conversations that really provoked a series of thought process to take place in the brain. I'm sure many new neuron routes must have been established in my brain LOL. Serving in ministries, road trips, and evax brought friendship to a whole new level. New bonds were formed, old ones, strengthened. It was also truly a humbling process, to be willing to be corrected and taught.

I live by the help of friends.

I live by the support of my family members.

I live by the understanding of my housemates.

I live by the grace of God.

I know I definitely wouldn’t have pulled through this semester if any one of the aforementioned element is absent.

How many times I felt this guilt eating me on the inside for not being able to participate in my household activities? I've lost count. And myself thinking that I've loved enough, only to be reprimanded by an inner voice telling me I have yet to learn to love. I looked at them, they did not complain although they were doing all the work, and then there was me…

Whenever I get stressed, there will only be two solutions to it. Or maybe three, the third one being procrastinate and trying to escape from reality, which will not get me anywhere still. The first two being cry (yes, I cry a lot these days) and call home. Somehow, there is just this peace I get whenever I call home, despite knowing they can't do much being thousands of miles away.

OH I can't even list out all the times my friends helped me. With my projects, research, in my daily live; simply picking me up when I fall and get me back on track.

But most importantly it was God overseeing everything throughout. He placed people and occasions  at the right time right place. He knows best. 

Perfect Timing

I kept hearing the voice, saying,  "you've been using too much of your own strength." I ignored. I didn't want to admit. I ran away.

Jonah 1:3

But Jonah ran away from the Lord, and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.

I broke down. I realised my tank was empty, and that I could no longer carryon.

Christ is enough.

It played it my head. I played it on my computer. I hit the replay button.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I fell on my knees. I cried out in desperation. I hated myself for being of little faith.

I needed strength. I needed reassurance. I needed to learn how to let go and let God.

James 5:13

Is anyone of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.

I was given strength. I was given reassurance. I was told, "you should learn to lean on Me."

I had peace.

P/S: I am not one who memorises verses, and all the verses mentioned above just popped in my head; I did not Google 'Bible verses about peace/faith' etc. I actually had to look into the Bible to see what it says. Such perfect timing hey. 

Codes

Friend   : So, what’s new?

Me        : Uhm nothing much really, busy with coursework.

Friend   : Like what kind of coursework? Projects?

Me        : Yeah, that, and a research paper/presentation too.

Friend   : What’s your project on?

Me        : Mixing two streams of water of different temperature and flowrates to get an output flow of a given temperature and given volume.

Friend   : Hmm so how are you going to control your system? Is it automated?

Me        : Yeah, we’re required to program an Arduino. I have no clue whatsoever what that is and how to do that and how it works though.

Friend   : AN ARDUINO?!  Sounds like a lot of fun! I can help you with it if you want!

Me        : Uhm yeah sure, but I think I will let someone else in my team to do the programming though, I have no prior knowledge in it at all. 

The above conversation happened while we were doing the dishes during one of our Friday lifegroup sessions. I never thought it would progress any further.

Friend   : So how’s your group’s Arduino-programming coming along?

Me        : Nobody is doing it for now. Nobody cares about it at all, they’re all so chill. Pisses me off at times.

Friend   : Well, why not you take it from them and we can have some fun with it?

Me        : But I know nuts about coding.

Friend   : I say, you go get that board kay? It’s easy stuff, I can have a look at it and play with it.

Me        : I don’t see why you would use ‘play’ to describe this. Sounds more like torture to me.

Friend   : Hey, I’m a nerd, it runs in my blood.

It never ended from then on. I can go on with stories of the unique ways he uses to show care, of how he set his own assignments aside to teach and help me, of how he is trying to get me out of my comfort zone when dealing with people, of how he spent hours explaining to me what seems to be common sense to him, of teaching me how having the humility to learn from others in uni life is crucial, of the difference between seeking help and relying on others. Project-related or not, he has been helping me so much these days I don’t know how to thank him.

Birthday buddy or not, I see so much similarities in us. For instance, how we both used to be so selfish. I guess the process of learning to be selfless is part of the journey in life, and the people around me are teaching me so much on this lesson. I am definitely nowhere close to the finish line, but I do hope I am getting somewhere, or at least, headed in the right direction. 

Praise You in this storm

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say, Amen and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry, You raised me up again
But my strength is almost gone
How can I carry on if I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Deficit

She came with a cup of herbal tea, handed it to me and said, "Here you go, you've been working very hard for the event."

She was the one that made me felt so glad that I made the right choice. It was just a hi-my-name-is-so-and-so kind of introduction the first day we met, we did not click at all, and I never thought we would. Later on, we realised we were in the same workshop and same project. That gave us a little common ground for conversations to be built. 

She shared how she has been attending LG and how she has been enjoying it so much because the people are so nice. She shared how she has been serving in LG and in ministries. She shared how she wants to be baptised but is afraid of her parents' responses. She shared about the joy and peace she felt after her baptism. She shared how campus and street evax opened her eyes to many things unseen. She shared why she was so insecure of herself and the reason of her giving herself so much pressure on her studies. She shared her struggles in her studies and in reaching out to people. She trusted me with so much. Throughout the years, I have learned that it is a privilege instead of a burden to be trusted. She shared her knowledge, helped me with my courses and encouraged me so much. To be honest, I think she is one of the most selfless person that I have met in my life. 

One day she told one of our mutual friends that I was her only friend in the chemical engineering cohort. I did not feel proud of myself, really, but instead it got me thinking of what made me be considered as a friend? What did I do to deserve to be called a friend? It reminded me of a quote a pastor shared during one of my cousins' wedding. "A relationship is like a bank account. You can't expect to keep withdrawing and not get into debt if you do not deposit anything into it." True that, pastor.

If only I can be as much of a friend to her as how she is to me. 

Gift

“If someone, regardless of the situations, stands by you and tries his best to understand what you’re going through even if you don’t speak, you’ll know you’ve got a friend.” One friend told me that just this afternoon. Without giving it much thought, I swept it behind my mind in seconds.

Later in the evening, my housemate came home with an (extremely advanced) birthday present for me. I have to say, very frankly, that gift did not mean anything to me. Anybody could have bought me a birthday present. Family members, teachers, secret Santa, even a stranger whom I have not met. It was just a birthday present. What’s the big deal?

It was the thoughts that she had that struck me. The thought that she actually paid attention to what I said (that I needed a new wallet because mine broke); I didn’t even stress on my point, it just came out of my mouth as a random complaint on a random day. The thought of her knowing I am so busy that I most likely would not have had the chance to get it for myself. The thought of her actually caring to know what I like and what I don’t. The thought of her thinking so far ahead because she was afraid that I will get one for myself if she was too slow to act. The thought of her just understanding what is going on with me and in me even if I haven’t been talking to her much these days. The thought of her even willing to spend time on such petty things. The thought of her being such an encourager when things get tough.

One might think, such small thoughts, anyone could have done that, no? Sadly, I know I could easily list out hundreds of people that I know who wouldn’t do that. But I am glad that I can list one who would, for me.  

P/S: To that friend, if you so happened to be reading this, know that your thoughtfulness is much appreciated by this tiny soul here, and also many others who have yet to express their gratitude to you! :)

Safe

"A boat in the dock is the safest, but it isn't doing what it is made for." - AL, 2014

Hole

"There is a God-sized hole in everybody's heart that can only be filled by God.
And similarly, there are many human-sized holes in God's heart that can only be filled by each individual that He created. He wants to have that relationship with us, but are we willing to respond?" - QZ, 2014

Awesome

5 minutes of just the same 4 lines of lyrics, yet on replay. Still gives me goosebumps.

Let the world declare.

The parable of the unmerciful servant

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (Matthew 18:21-35 NIV)

Teach me, O Lord. 

Old days

I don't remember the last time having a good conversation with anybody. 

I don't remember the last time seeing sun. 

I don't remember the last time enjoying the fresh air. 

I don't remember the last time my room being this messy.

I don't remember the last time not having to think about my assignments.

I don't remember the last time having a proper meal.

I don't remember the last time watching a movie, or reading a book, or simply just relaxing and not do anything. 

I miss them old days. 

Forgiveness

I went in late for my chemistry practical session today. In the midst of rushing, my tutor specifically said he wanted to see two other friends and I before we started this week's experiment. I panicked. Well, obviously there was only one possible reason to which he wanted to see us: plagiarism. And I tried not to think about it. 

My guess was spot on. And I had this terrible feeling in me. Part of it was rage, and the other part, helplessness. If anything, I hate being wronged, I'm pretty sure nobody likes that. The reason why I felt that way was because my tutor actually thought I copied my friend's answer, which in fact, was totally the other way round. Also, no apologies were done. But I guess, there was just no point for me to explain myself. 

It was indeed a lesson of forgiveness. Not easy, but I am making through it, at least I hope I am. 

***

They say I am a sensitive person. I wouldn't disagree. The smallest act you do can just change my mood instantly. Or maybe I just judge to quickly. Like today, a friend of mine held the door for me, and I was like whoa. Well, I reckon to many, that would be too insignificant a deal to be bothered, but to me, it shows at least the slightest respect. Anyways, I was just grateful.