I had a dream

A while ago, a friend of mine came to me and asked me if I had been a Christian all my life. I told him that there really is no such thing. Nobody is born a Christian; it is conscious decision that one will have to make him/herself. And I told him that the first time I said the sinner's prayer was when I was nine, if that was what he was asking for. He then asked me if I have ever doubted God or felt like I was so far from God that I didn't feel like a Christian anymore. His question brought me back to four years ago when I went through by far, the toughest times in my life.

I did not only doubt God. I blamed Him for all that I had to go through. All the anger and frustration that was in me, I lashed it all out on Him. I demanded an answer from Him, wanting to prove that I did not deserve to suffer. After a couple of months, I thought I had resolved the issue within myself, only to realise that all the while I was just running away. It really did not take much for the unresolved issues to resurface whenever it was triggered by external circumstances.

But it was through that period of hardship that I really saw who God really is in my life. Have I ever felt like I am no longer a Christian anymore? Yes, I definitely had. But what made me come back was the revelation that no matter how hard times are, or how far away I run, my God is a God who will never forsake me. In fact, He is one who would piggyback me when I am drowning in the storm. As I am writing this, I am reminded of a poem that I once read:

FOOTPRINTS (I HAD A DREAM)

One night I dreamed a dream

I was walking along the beach with my Lord

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand

There was only one set of footprints

I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life

This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way

But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints

I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings

When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

It took me four years to fully walk out of my struggles. It took me four years to finally let go off all the burdens. But ultimately, that four years of pain made me discover so much more of God's unfailing love. And that itself made the four years worth it.